Comments on: On Not Being a VSW (Very Sad Widow): My Talk at the 2022 Fiat Conference https://catholicallyear.com/blog/on-not-being-a-vsw-very-sad-widow-my-talk-at-the-2022-fiat-conference/ Homemaking. Homeschooling. Catholic Life. Wed, 14 Dec 2022 01:40:52 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8 By: mdz44 https://catholicallyear.com/blog/on-not-being-a-vsw-very-sad-widow-my-talk-at-the-2022-fiat-conference/#comment-279581 Wed, 14 Dec 2022 01:40:52 +0000 https://skymouse.wpengine.com/?p=234027#comment-279581 OMGosh, I am a new subscriber whose heart really went out to you and your family after reading this. I also prayed for all of you. I was so blown away by your VSW entry here that I am printing parts of it to go on our refrigerator, if that is alright with you. So many things you said are things I really need to keep in mind given that one of my top fears is my husband dying. We have five children+3 in-law-but-loved-to-the-max sons. I cannot thank you enough for your incredibly insightful words !! Bless your heart!

]]> By: johnstonsandcompany https://catholicallyear.com/blog/on-not-being-a-vsw-very-sad-widow-my-talk-at-the-2022-fiat-conference/#comment-271427 Sat, 05 Nov 2022 01:32:02 +0000 https://skymouse.wpengine.com/?p=234027#comment-271427 Kendra, I am so sorry to learn of your loss. I didn’t know you had something like this going on, and I’ll be praying for your family during your time of adjustment. All I can say is that you are amazing!! And you are such a good example. Thank you for your thoughts – especially as I am definitely a chronic worrier, even in good times! 🙂

Diana

]]> By: Jerrilynn Osborne https://catholicallyear.com/blog/on-not-being-a-vsw-very-sad-widow-my-talk-at-the-2022-fiat-conference/#comment-269333 Thu, 20 Oct 2022 22:21:19 +0000 https://skymouse.wpengine.com/?p=234027#comment-269333 Kendra, thank you for this post and your testimony of what it looks like to continue to trust God even when things don’t turn out the way we hope. After my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I had a chat with a friend who was a long time cancer survivor. At the end of my questions, I asked if she had any additional advice. She said, “Don’t use all your panic now, you might need some later.” It was a profound statement that has echoed across many other life situations. Like you, often facing tough news of various sorts, I have asked myself, “should I panic now?” And the answer has always been no. Go is still present, God is still holding it all, I can trust in that knowledge and leave the panic for another day. May God’s peace and comfort continue to surround you and your family in mighty ways.

]]> By: Kendra https://catholicallyear.com/blog/on-not-being-a-vsw-very-sad-widow-my-talk-at-the-2022-fiat-conference/#comment-269247 Thu, 20 Oct 2022 18:20:03 +0000 https://skymouse.wpengine.com/?p=234027#comment-269247 In reply to Maryalene LaPonsie.

Amen to that! And I don’t intend to say that VSW is not accurate or valid, just that I didn’t want it to be required of me. And I’m sorry for your loss, may he rest in peace.

]]> By: Maryalene LaPonsie https://catholicallyear.com/blog/on-not-being-a-vsw-very-sad-widow-my-talk-at-the-2022-fiat-conference/#comment-269236 Thu, 20 Oct 2022 17:26:51 +0000 https://skymouse.wpengine.com/?p=234027#comment-269236 “So, all of a sudden, I had all these people watching me for a different reason.”

I’ve always considered this to be emotional voyeurism.

It’s been 9.5 years since my husband died of cancer. I was 35 with five kids, including a 6-month old. In between all the well-meaning friends and families, it felt like a lot of people came out of the woodwork. Their “How are you doing?” sometimes seemed more like prying than genuine concern. I think some secretly hoped I would fall apart on them so they could claim a piece of my pain as their own. Maybe that doesn’t make sense, but it does to me.

I think the VSW is a stereotype because it is so true. Many, many people (myself included) fall apart after their spouse dies. I remember being blindsided by that because I’d had three years to prepare, fully trusted God to take care of us, and quite frankly, hadn’t felt too emotional the whole time he was dying. But something cracked afterward.

So here’s the VSWs and the non-VSWs; may God help us all.

]]> By: Kristyn Hall https://catholicallyear.com/blog/on-not-being-a-vsw-very-sad-widow-my-talk-at-the-2022-fiat-conference/#comment-267908 Thu, 20 Oct 2022 15:23:49 +0000 https://skymouse.wpengine.com/?p=234027#comment-267908 Just started reading but I am instituting a new motto for All Saints’ Day and the month of November in our family: “The Catholic Church: All our celebrities are dead.” 😉 (I feel a rant coming on about putting fallible humans on pedestals, but I shall refrain.) God bless and keep your lovely family.

My oldest son (21) decided to join the Marine Corps this summer. I was unhappy about it. Then I read about Jim’s funeral and what the USMC did that helped you in the midst of it all. I told myself to brace up and embrace the good. Also, your Jim passed on my youngest son’s 14th birthday. Life is truly a big messy plate of spaghetti. I can’t begin to sort it all. But God is good. I know that much. Sending love.

]]> By: Colleen Martin https://catholicallyear.com/blog/on-not-being-a-vsw-very-sad-widow-my-talk-at-the-2022-fiat-conference/#comment-267815 Thu, 20 Oct 2022 12:24:47 +0000 https://skymouse.wpengine.com/?p=234027#comment-267815 Kendra,
This was so lovely to read, and you and your kids are such an inspiration. I think of you often and pray for you…love the image of the butterflies, just perfect!

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